Not Strong Enough.

I haven't written in a long time on my blog I think because I completely lost sight of what is important and of myself. I think you can say I stopped writing after our Alaska Experience and the disappointment that was there. Also we made a move into Jonathan's parents house. I feel now that I am at the point that I don't want to feel like I have a cloud over my head anymore and that I want to get back to that joyful easy going person I once knew not so long ago. God was the Arthur of my life not other people. I was so afraid of hurting other people if I said something out of line or something that would hurt their feelings even if it wasn't meant to. I have been looking up now instead of in. I still get upset and still get angry and frustrated. I still get depressed, sad and pathetic. However the thing that really made me really take a step back and look at what was wrong was how I seem empty of Joy and Love. I used to be so happy with a smile ready for anyone and accepting of most people. I have always been judgmental ( one of my numerous flaws) I just keep thinking how imperfect I am. I am nothing and I don't understand how God could see anything inside my heart that is beautiful. The frustrating thing is that I know He does because I know He sees the good in all of us. I am slowly getting back to being joyful. I have to say it is very hard. I have to stop thinking about what other people think about me and think about what God knows about me. I have to saturate myself and my families life in God and His ways. I have been trying to listen to music more and that is always uplifting to me. I also have the school year that is starting to look forward to. I believe that not getting out and getting friends is something that I have done to damage myself. It is frustrating to know that I have put myself in this position. I know though that at least God and me are the ones who can get me out of it. I know you might get tired of me just talking about my problems and some my say I have it easy but it is difficult for me and I felt like I needed to start sharing and not feel so concerned if people didn't like it or thinking it inappropriate. If you want to know me like so many people don't, here I am! I don't love like I should, I am impatient, I am unsympathetic, I am critical, I am judgmental, I am lazy, I am self conscience, I am unbelievably weak, I am mean, I am imperfect, I am commanding, I am rude, I am inconsiderate etc.
I am a Beautiful piece of Gods wonderful Art collection! This I can and have to cling onto in order to make me a better person. I want my life to be lead by Him and Him alone.
Here is a song that I recently dubbed my favorite because it speaks to my heart in this time of my life. By Matthew West
STRONG ENOUGH!



My beautiful baby always makes me smile! :-) I just wanted to add a picture of her to remind me how much joy she brings me.